5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
