I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Randomize
