Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
