..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
