We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
