this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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