At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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