dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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