chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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