Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
