Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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