Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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