Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think your dad took our porno
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
