did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize