Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
