listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
