Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
