I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
