I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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