1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
