Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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