Small penises have feelings too.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Randomize
