And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
