"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
