he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
