Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
someone threw a dead crab at me
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you didnt know i had herpes?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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