i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
