Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
