You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
