he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
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So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
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Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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