WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
