the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
