You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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