when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
