Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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