butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Randomize
