my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
