so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
