I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
two words: eviction party
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
