If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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