Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have already put on my inside pants.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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