K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You are the jesus of drinking
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
