Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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