I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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