If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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