Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize