I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
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I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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