It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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