the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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