The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
