I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
