I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
