turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
