I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize