sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
