So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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