i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
