he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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