So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
