On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
