So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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