I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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