No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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