for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
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haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
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I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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