Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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