What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
