it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
