oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
