I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
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She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
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My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
do nipples grow back?
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