i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
